The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
