I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
