I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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