Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
