I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
