My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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