Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
