You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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