your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
