guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm bleeding and have questions
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