tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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