just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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