The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
