I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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