Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
