break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
