I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
