please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
