Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
