it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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