Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
