Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
