Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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