I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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