I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
