the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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