I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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