At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
