Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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