suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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