chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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