Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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