bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
