The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
