you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I did not marry a roomba.
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