glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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