Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
