You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
