can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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