I accidentally had phone sex last night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
