Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
