I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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