he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
