I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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