Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
