Will you blow on my dice?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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