while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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