i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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