i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it because I queefed?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
