The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
thus making me awesome and them whores
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
