so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The air was thick with penises
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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