My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
