There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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