When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
