i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
