the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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