Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
