I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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