There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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