she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
