I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
