I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
