about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
