Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
