dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
