I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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