he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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